Thank you to who has ever given me a kind word, encouraged me, blessed me, been a part of my life, helped me in any way.  I can never pay you all back.  All I can do is give my thanks and extreme gratitude.

I’m not saying thank you simply because it’s Thanksgiving time but my words are with purpose and meaning and a gift to your graciousness.


Online Dating: Oh Brother!

online dating fail

Back in October I went on a date with this guy I met via  He was nice enough to go on a second, third and fourth date but he didn’t thrill me.  To be honest, his personality was kinda blah but I could tell he was a good guy so why not?

A few weeks had gone by and he went quiet.  I didn’t really think anything of it because he was kinda boring and I found myself doing a lot of the talking.  Out of the blue last week he texted me saying he didn’t forget about me but he was going through some things and would like to sit down and talk when he was free.  Ok, no big deal.

This past Sunday we met up and he started to tell me about some personal issues he was having and then said he thinks we want different things.  We never had “the talk” about what we want because we were just DATING but, ok.  Again, no loss for me.

But then he proceeds to tell me he felt I was more like his little sister.  WHAAATTTT!?!?!  Keep in mind we went out like four or five times and we kissed each time.  Really?  Your sister?  You just lost me “bro”.  On top of that he started giving me a pep talk that went something like this: Don’t worry you’ll meet someone when you stop looking.  You’re smart, you’re pretty, you’re easy to talk to…

While I give him a lot of credit for taking the time to meet with me and tell me what’s up (because most guys have just gone cold) sometimes the truth is just weird.  Thanks for letting me down easy but I’m not attached to you or upset in the least.  Sheesh!

You have read my ups and downs of online dating.  I talk to my friends about my experiences and laugh but seriously, online dating sucks.  I email and do the stupid wink and I get nothing in return. even has the Stir events for people to meet in person instead of wasting time online.  I love this idea but the closest events are in NYC or Hoboken.  I’d like to meet a handsome fella in my backyard!

With that said, my friend and I have started a new dating venture called The Dating Lounge.  We are putting together events in the Monmouth and Ocean Counties in NJ for singles in their 30s and 40s.  We want a pressure free environment for our singles to have fun, meet great people and hopefully find their match.

For updates you can join the group on Facebook ( and follow us on Twitter @DatingLoungeNJ.



The Hot Doc and The Foot

Last Saturday I started to feel a pain on the top of my foot when I flexed my toes and while walking.  I couldn’t think of anything I had done to it to make it hurt.  I ended up making an appointment with an orthopedist to get it checked out because I don’t want to prolong the problem and be out of commission from the love of my life, boot camp.

I was able to get in yesterday to see the doc.  I walked in without pain and thought maybe I should have cancelled.  I’m glad I didn’t cancel because the eye candy was amazing.  It was a revolving door of hot docs.  First a neck and shoulder specialist came in to introduce himself even though he wasn’t going to be his patient.  Hmmmm.  Then the foot and ankle specialist saw me who was even hotter.  He joked that I should enlist instead of paying for boot camp.  Haha, sorry buddy but I’m not looking for that type of commitment but I’ll laugh at your joke because your hot.

hot doc

Turns out I have a stress fracture.  The x-ray showed small cracks in my bone that if I don’t ease up on it, it will break.  Oh pooh.  Now what do I do?

stress fracture

Thankfully the hot doc offered alternatives to my running and boot camp:  swimming, elyptical and the bike.  Three things that bascially have little to no impact on my foot.  This isn’t such a bad thing because I do like to swim which is a great full body workout.

So, what’s the message here?  Even though your body may be injured or unable to do certain workouts it doesn’t mean you quit.  Find something that you can do and move forward.

Oh, and get a hot doc 😉

Getting Naughty

Online dating is such a weird concept.  It’s equivelent to a catalog you can flip through on a Sunday morning without having to get dressed and look your best.  With that said, I often wonder how serious people are.  Are you just window shopping or here to buy?  I am in the buying stage with not much on the rack.

After a few dates of disappointment I take a break and then I take a dip in the pool again.  But alas, I am left scratching my head.  Some guys look like they just got out of jail or they’re super hot and I’m like, “you’re too pretty for me to date”.  Then I come across guys who I am confused about.

For example, this one guy didn’t post his pic because he’s a lawyer and doesn’t want his clients to see him.  Um, if you’re client is on there doesn’t that make them equal to you but ok, fair enough.  So he shared his pic on a dummy email I set up for my own peace of mind.  Next we shared what we were looking for.  I don’t have particulars per say because you could be smart, funny, handsome, over 5’10” and still not be attracted to each other.  I believe chemistry plays a big part.

This morning he told me he’s looking for someone “sweet but also a naughty side when the time is right”.  In the words of the Church Lady, “well isn’t that special”.

church lady

Isn’t dating finding out what people like/dislike?  Way to be too open before I meet you face-to-face because I’m totally thinking you’re into freaky sh*t and this is my warning.

Let’s say the tables were turned and I said that on my profile.  For example, I say I want “a gentleman on the street but a freak in the bed”.  Hmmm, is your first thought, “sounds like a fun one night stand” or “I can’t wait to take this girl to meet my mom”.  Probably the first thought.

I’ve heard of people meeting online but where are all the good ones?  So far no bueno.



18 years ago today my older brother, Sean, took his life.  It’s hard to believe it’s been 18 years.  I think back on that week and I don’t remember very much, in fact I don’t remember very much before 1995.  It’s almost as if my brain wiped everything away at that moment.

I do recall my parents coming into my bedroom that night sitting on the end of my bed and waking me up at 11:07pm (I vividly remember seeing my Sony digital clock next to my bed) and telling me the news.  I remember my Aunt Kathy making me a sandwich that week, a funny joke Kevin M. made during his eulogy at the funeral and sitting with my friend Dave B. at the repast.  That’s it.

Kevin had given a great eulogy and I had always been envious and proud of people who could hold it together during a very sad time.  That same year my grandfather had died.  I had written a letter to him but couldn’t read it aloud at the funeral knowing I would break so I asked my mother to.

My original plan was to write a eulogy for Sean but after writing a couple paragraphs I didn’t feel I was being authentic.  The truth is I am still angry.  I’m angry that he did what he did.  I’m angry that he’s missing on Christmas morning as we open gifts.  I’m angry that he isn’t at my 5Ks cheering for me and angry that he’ll never be there for my future children.  I’m angry at the pain this has caused my family.  This is why I raise money for suicide prevention/awareness because I don’t want anyone else to experience this.

I am not an angry person but deep down I’m still pissed off.  How do we get past a death?  Do we ever?

Just When You Think…

Just when you think you’re doing all the right things in life something careens around the corner and hits you in the gut.  In November 2012 I learned all about Vertigo.  After returning for a great vacation in Jamaica of swimming, drinking, eating, snorkling and flying I had the worst episode on my first day back at work.

I remember it so clearly because it was the worst feeling ever.  I was standing at my desk and the room started to spin.  At first I thought maybe I didn’t eat enough or I was getting a migraine which I have had before.  I blinked my eyes to freshen them up because everything started to get blurry.  I sat down, I moved my head and I was still dizzy.  Then nausea kicked in.  This is when I knew I had to do something.  I probably made a really bad decsion by driving myself to the ER but I didn’t know what else to do.

I was quickly taken and seen by the head of the ER after an EKG and preliminary tests.  The EKG is done because dizziness can be a sign of heart problems.  The doctor determind it was Vertigo and the dizziness was from an imbalance inside of the ear due to my recent vacation activites:  snorkling and flying.  I was put on Anti-Vert or Meclyzne that is really a sedative.  I was in and out of sleep for about 3 days.  When I was awake I couldn’t focus or drive.

Fast forward to 2013

Since then I hadn’t experienced Vertigo again until this past October, again at work.  No, work is not causing it, but it prevents me from working because of the sedative.  On Nov. 1 I had it again while I was getting ready for work.  I felt dizzy and the only relief was laying down.  I knew that I had to do more than take a sedative so I called my primary doctor.

My doctor, bless her soul, likes to take all precautions and get tests done from head-to-toe and even reminded me to get the freckle on my nose checked out by a dermatologist.  So, my next stop was the cardiologist.  She called ahead and they got me right in.  I mean, I’m totally not stressing out now!!

The doc did an EKG and then informed me he’d like me to wear a heart monitor for 24 hrs.  I postponed it because I had a 5K the next day….priorities!  Well, tomorrow is the day I get hooked up to a box with wires under my clothes.  I already have my Thursday work outfit planned out to cover everything to avoid looking like a science experiment.


I have also seen the ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doc who has me doing an ENG test.  Basically they hook your face up to wires, shoot warm and cold air in your ears and see if your face blows up like Large Marge.

Ok, I overexaggerated.  But this test could cause nausea and vomiting.  Yey.

I’m also set to see the neurologist and then probably an MRI.  Nothing like being trapped with your head in a plastic cage like Hannibal Lecter with weird buzzing noises all around you.

I’m kind of scared but also trying to be a big girl about it.  I feel great and continue working out.  Hoping for an all clear!

My Purpose


Tonight I returned to boot camp class.  It is a high interval, multi-dimensional, cross training exercise program.  I haven’t done the class since June and I was very nervous because I didn’t know if I could do it again.  Luckily, I made out great and I think running had a huge part to do with it.

But, like I said, I was nervous.  Starting a new routine can be scary because we fear the unknown.  The day before class I asked another class alumni to join me because I know she was looking to get back to it.  I was so happy to see her walk through the door for the class.  She recommitted herself to doing something positive.  In that moment, I realized my purpose.

I’ve always wanted a meaning to my life instead of just being ordinary and I think I found it.  Through my own experiences of changing my lifestyle and being able to share it in my blog has inspired people.  Wow!  I inspire people…

Even if I  inspire just one person to do one positive thing for themselves is more rewarding to me than any job I’ve ever had.  It makes me so happy when I hear that I’ve motivated someone and not because I told them to but just because I shared my story.

I’m not perfect and there are days when I feel bad about myself.  There are weekends I stay inside and don’t workout.  There are days I go to McDonald’s and get a #2.  I’m not Miss Diet and Fitness but those small changes along the way lead to great things.