2017: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

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Ciao 2016!  You were great but 2017 is going to be even better!  I have to admit that 2016 wasn’t so bad for me: I learned a lot about myself, even more about others and getting closer to what I want.  What else could a girl need?!

If you’re a regular reader (and by regular reader I mean the 2 posts every 6 months haha) you know I’ve shared some low points, some great moments and just some funny stuff.  In talking to my readers I have learned that the funny stuff is what sticks!

In 2017 I vow to you, my loyal readers, more dating stories!  In 2015, my resolution was saying yes and this year I’m taking that to another level! I’m going to say yes to more dates; even those I would normally scoff at. This will all be within reason, like no dates with possible murderers, drug addicts, dead beat dads, etc etc etc.

I hope you’ll follow along on my dating adventures.  I will be honest, I will change names, and if I’ve gone quiet it could mean one of two things: 1) I haven’t been on a date or 2) I’ve met someone worthwhile to keep to myself.  Here’s to hoping for the latter…. 🙂

 

Dating Etiquette

Let me first say that I am not a seasoned dater.  Dating is fun, but the process seems so difficult and daunting.  You start talking to someone online and then you text and then call and then an actual date.  Right now I am in the infancy stages of talking to someone via text.  Not my ideal way of communicating but it is what it is.

So far the guy has been very nice and he’s good looking.  He’s a professional and we seem to like the same things.  Perfect!  Well….things just got weird.  Out of the blue he texted me something very sexual.  This was completely out the blue which resulted in this look all the way home from work….

shock

 

I did not say anything that would lead him to that comment!  Now I am totally disappointed because I’m not looking for a hook up and why on Earth would you say that?  Obviously we have different goals in mind.

This leads me to dating etiquette.  What are the right and wrong things to say and do?  Is it so hard to court someone the traditional way these days?  I just want to give up.  Help!

Dating Sites: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

shopping

This year, for me, is the year of LOVE.  So it’s time to get serious about online dating and being “available” in general.  If you or someone you know is in the same positiong as myself, here are some tips for navigating the online dating scene.

Online dating is similar to shopping; I am looking for the perfect item that could brighten our day or possibly change our life.  Depending on what your goals are there is a site for you.  My goal here is to break down the old, the new, the free and the not-so free options.

The Old

These sites have been around since online dating began.  I’m sure we’ve all been on them to check out what is out there.  And some window shop even if they are in a relationships.

Match.com – Match is your pretty basic site that charges $100+ for a six month membership.  This site stands out from the rest because of their Stir events.  They host events for you to meet singles.  Pro:  It’s a paid site which usually means people are more serious, their six month guarantee, and Stir events.  Cons:  Stir events are hard to find in smaller areas.

Plenty of Fish (or POF for those well versed in the online dating world) – This site is free, your profile is not as lengthy as Match and did I mention it’s free!?  Pros:  It’s free!  Cons:  I have found the users to be less than ideal because it is free but I guess there’s someone for everyone!

eHarmony – I’ve always felt this was a site for those looking for a serious relationship because you cannot browse for free, the questionnaire is very lengthy and the process is done in steps.  Pros:  Site for the very serious, no browsers and hopefully no fakers.  Cons:  More expensive than Match at $180 for six months.

The New

These new sites offer a quicker process than the older sites in that the profiles are short for our shortened attention span.

Zoosk – This site is free to browse but the inventory is lacking.  I couldn’t find anyone in my area.  Pros:  It’s free.  Cons:  Inventory is low and only way to message people is to pay.

Tinder – If you haven’t heard of Tinder then you probably don’t have Facebook.  This app syncs with your Facebook profile and will match you with people who have similar interests based on your Facebook “likes” and/or mutual friends.  The profile is limited and you choose what pics you want to show.  Set up your radius and the matches are sent to you to easily swipe “nope” or “liked”.  If you both “liked” each other then you can chat within the app.  Pros:  Free, easily grabs photos from Facebook and the private chat without sharing your cell #.  Cons: Known to be a hook up site.

Coffee Meets Bagel – Another app that syncs up with your Facebook has a limited profile and pics you control.  The site will send you a match everyday at noon and you have 24 hours to “like” or not.  They also offer a secure way to chat via SMS.  Pros:  Free and syncs to Facebook.  Cons:  Only one match per day?

I have tried all of these and met someone from most of them.  There are many many more that I haven’t mentioned like JDate or Christian Mingle that are more specific to your needs.  The good thing is that all of these sites now have an app so you can search for your mate or one night stand on the train, in the office or on a rainy Sunday morning in your bed.

Check out this cool infographic below about online dating provided by this blog:  http://blogs.longwood.edu/majs3/2012/11/14/dating-and-social-media-is-it-real/

dating infographic

Online Dating: Oh Brother!

online dating fail

Back in October I went on a date with this guy I met via Match.com.  He was nice enough to go on a second, third and fourth date but he didn’t thrill me.  To be honest, his personality was kinda blah but I could tell he was a good guy so why not?

A few weeks had gone by and he went quiet.  I didn’t really think anything of it because he was kinda boring and I found myself doing a lot of the talking.  Out of the blue last week he texted me saying he didn’t forget about me but he was going through some things and would like to sit down and talk when he was free.  Ok, no big deal.

This past Sunday we met up and he started to tell me about some personal issues he was having and then said he thinks we want different things.  We never had “the talk” about what we want because we were just DATING but, ok.  Again, no loss for me.

But then he proceeds to tell me he felt I was more like his little sister.  WHAAATTTT!?!?!  Keep in mind we went out like four or five times and we kissed each time.  Really?  Your sister?  You just lost me “bro”.  On top of that he started giving me a pep talk that went something like this: Don’t worry you’ll meet someone when you stop looking.  You’re smart, you’re pretty, you’re easy to talk to…

While I give him a lot of credit for taking the time to meet with me and tell me what’s up (because most guys have just gone cold) sometimes the truth is just weird.  Thanks for letting me down easy but I’m not attached to you or upset in the least.  Sheesh!

You have read my ups and downs of online dating.  I talk to my friends about my experiences and laugh but seriously, online dating sucks.  I email and do the stupid wink and I get nothing in return.  Match.com even has the Stir events for people to meet in person instead of wasting time online.  I love this idea but the closest events are in NYC or Hoboken.  I’d like to meet a handsome fella in my backyard!

With that said, my friend and I have started a new dating venture called The Dating Lounge.  We are putting together events in the Monmouth and Ocean Counties in NJ for singles in their 30s and 40s.  We want a pressure free environment for our singles to have fun, meet great people and hopefully find their match.

For updates you can join the group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/thedatingloungenj/) and follow us on Twitter @DatingLoungeNJ.

 

 

Getting Naughty

Online dating is such a weird concept.  It’s equivelent to a catalog you can flip through on a Sunday morning without having to get dressed and look your best.  With that said, I often wonder how serious people are.  Are you just window shopping or here to buy?  I am in the buying stage with not much on the rack.

After a few dates of disappointment I take a break and then I take a dip in the pool again.  But alas, I am left scratching my head.  Some guys look like they just got out of jail or they’re super hot and I’m like, “you’re too pretty for me to date”.  Then I come across guys who I am confused about.

For example, this one guy didn’t post his pic because he’s a lawyer and doesn’t want his clients to see him.  Um, if you’re client is on there doesn’t that make them equal to you but ok, fair enough.  So he shared his pic on a dummy email I set up for my own peace of mind.  Next we shared what we were looking for.  I don’t have particulars per say because you could be smart, funny, handsome, over 5’10” and still not be attracted to each other.  I believe chemistry plays a big part.

This morning he told me he’s looking for someone “sweet but also a naughty side when the time is right”.  In the words of the Church Lady, “well isn’t that special”.

church lady

Isn’t dating finding out what people like/dislike?  Way to be too open before I meet you face-to-face because I’m totally thinking you’re into freaky sh*t and this is my warning.

Let’s say the tables were turned and I said that on my profile.  For example, I say I want “a gentleman on the street but a freak in the bed”.  Hmmm, is your first thought, “sounds like a fun one night stand” or “I can’t wait to take this girl to meet my mom”.  Probably the first thought.

I’ve heard of people meeting online but where are all the good ones?  So far no bueno.

Dating Anonymous

awesome

Hi.  I’m Liz. I’m 34 and have never been in a serious relationship. 

Sounds like my introduction to an AA meeting, right?  Unfortunately the above statement is true and I call it my own Dating Anonymous.

I have dated a few men but never had the urge to “settle down” and get married until recently because let’s face it, my eggs are near death at this point.  Back in July I really started the great search via online dating.  I had gone on some dates with the very quiet guy, the shut up you’re saying too much guy, and I thought you were the one but you turned out to be a dud guy.

I honestly have no idea what I’m doing!

Luckily, I came across this article today (http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jennie-garth-on-dating-after-peter-facinelli-divorce-its-a-weird-type-of-torture-20132110) that reminded me that I’m not the only one who is having a hard time dating.  It is definitely a learn as you go type of deal!  For example, don’t give out the URL to your blog because then you can’t really say what you want without hurting someone’s feelings,  don’t jump to conclusions on a first date thinking you’ll marry this guy and definitely don’t read into everything.

As you’re dating make sure to stop the smell the roses!

Dating can be a real wake up call.  You realize things you may not like about yourself and a lot of things you don’t like in others.  Be sure to enjoy yourself without wanting to know what’s next like me because I over analyze.  These moments are learning experience and you discover what you like and don’t like in a partner.  And then one beautiful sunny day Prince Charming will sweep you off your feet and you’ll live happily ever after.  Right?  Right!?

Some day….but until then, it’s important to continue your own life.  Don’t get down on yourself and start eating Ben and Jerry’s (ok, I’m guilty of both).  Continue to better yourself so that when Mr. Right comes along you are ready to share all the awesomeness that is YOU!

Dating Sucks: Take 2

dating sucks

I feel like a kid learning to swim by taking a chance and giving up when it doesn’t work out.  Recently, I took a dip in the dating pool again.

I met this super nice and cute guy via Tinder.  Tinder is an app that syncs with your Facebook profile and per recent reports it’s just for hook ups but that’s not what I’m looking for.

At any rate, he was Irish and a chef.  Could it get any more perfect for me?!

We spoke for hours on the phone and I felt I may have had a connection.  We set a date and admittedly this was the first date I was ever really nervous for.  What if there’s no connection after talking?  What if I’m not his type or vice versa?  So many what if’s entered my mind.  Luckily, I felt an instant attraction and the date couldn’t have been any better.

The signs were all there that he was into me as well.   As the days went on the communication was less and less.  I tried to get him to schedule another date but that fell flat.  In the end I wished him well because I assumed we weren’t a match.  It was a bummer for me because I thought he was nicer than many guys I’ve dated but maybe him living an hour away was the deal breaker!?

I’ve come to learn that guys tend to lead women on because they aren’t up front on what they want or don’t want.  Instead of telling me nice things, just tell me you’re not interested.  I’m not a games kinda gal.

Bummed and still single….