2017: The Gift That Keeps On Giving

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Ciao 2016!  You were great but 2017 is going to be even better!  I have to admit that 2016 wasn’t so bad for me: I learned a lot about myself, even more about others and getting closer to what I want.  What else could a girl need?!

If you’re a regular reader (and by regular reader I mean the 2 posts every 6 months haha) you know I’ve shared some low points, some great moments and just some funny stuff.  In talking to my readers I have learned that the funny stuff is what sticks!

In 2017 I vow to you, my loyal readers, more dating stories!  In 2015, my resolution was saying yes and this year I’m taking that to another level! I’m going to say yes to more dates; even those I would normally scoff at. This will all be within reason, like no dates with possible murderers, drug addicts, dead beat dads, etc etc etc.

I hope you’ll follow along on my dating adventures.  I will be honest, I will change names, and if I’ve gone quiet it could mean one of two things: 1) I haven’t been on a date or 2) I’ve met someone worthwhile to keep to myself.  Here’s to hoping for the latter…. 🙂

 

Dating Etiquette

Let me first say that I am not a seasoned dater.  Dating is fun, but the process seems so difficult and daunting.  You start talking to someone online and then you text and then call and then an actual date.  Right now I am in the infancy stages of talking to someone via text.  Not my ideal way of communicating but it is what it is.

So far the guy has been very nice and he’s good looking.  He’s a professional and we seem to like the same things.  Perfect!  Well….things just got weird.  Out of the blue he texted me something very sexual.  This was completely out the blue which resulted in this look all the way home from work….

shock

 

I did not say anything that would lead him to that comment!  Now I am totally disappointed because I’m not looking for a hook up and why on Earth would you say that?  Obviously we have different goals in mind.

This leads me to dating etiquette.  What are the right and wrong things to say and do?  Is it so hard to court someone the traditional way these days?  I just want to give up.  Help!

Dating Sites: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

shopping

This year, for me, is the year of LOVE.  So it’s time to get serious about online dating and being “available” in general.  If you or someone you know is in the same positiong as myself, here are some tips for navigating the online dating scene.

Online dating is similar to shopping; I am looking for the perfect item that could brighten our day or possibly change our life.  Depending on what your goals are there is a site for you.  My goal here is to break down the old, the new, the free and the not-so free options.

The Old

These sites have been around since online dating began.  I’m sure we’ve all been on them to check out what is out there.  And some window shop even if they are in a relationships.

Match.com – Match is your pretty basic site that charges $100+ for a six month membership.  This site stands out from the rest because of their Stir events.  They host events for you to meet singles.  Pro:  It’s a paid site which usually means people are more serious, their six month guarantee, and Stir events.  Cons:  Stir events are hard to find in smaller areas.

Plenty of Fish (or POF for those well versed in the online dating world) – This site is free, your profile is not as lengthy as Match and did I mention it’s free!?  Pros:  It’s free!  Cons:  I have found the users to be less than ideal because it is free but I guess there’s someone for everyone!

eHarmony – I’ve always felt this was a site for those looking for a serious relationship because you cannot browse for free, the questionnaire is very lengthy and the process is done in steps.  Pros:  Site for the very serious, no browsers and hopefully no fakers.  Cons:  More expensive than Match at $180 for six months.

The New

These new sites offer a quicker process than the older sites in that the profiles are short for our shortened attention span.

Zoosk – This site is free to browse but the inventory is lacking.  I couldn’t find anyone in my area.  Pros:  It’s free.  Cons:  Inventory is low and only way to message people is to pay.

Tinder – If you haven’t heard of Tinder then you probably don’t have Facebook.  This app syncs with your Facebook profile and will match you with people who have similar interests based on your Facebook “likes” and/or mutual friends.  The profile is limited and you choose what pics you want to show.  Set up your radius and the matches are sent to you to easily swipe “nope” or “liked”.  If you both “liked” each other then you can chat within the app.  Pros:  Free, easily grabs photos from Facebook and the private chat without sharing your cell #.  Cons: Known to be a hook up site.

Coffee Meets Bagel – Another app that syncs up with your Facebook has a limited profile and pics you control.  The site will send you a match everyday at noon and you have 24 hours to “like” or not.  They also offer a secure way to chat via SMS.  Pros:  Free and syncs to Facebook.  Cons:  Only one match per day?

I have tried all of these and met someone from most of them.  There are many many more that I haven’t mentioned like JDate or Christian Mingle that are more specific to your needs.  The good thing is that all of these sites now have an app so you can search for your mate or one night stand on the train, in the office or on a rainy Sunday morning in your bed.

Check out this cool infographic below about online dating provided by this blog:  http://blogs.longwood.edu/majs3/2012/11/14/dating-and-social-media-is-it-real/

dating infographic

Happy 100!

100

It’s the end of 2013 which is a good time to reflect on what has happened and where I’m going. First off, this is my 100th blog. I never thought I had 100 blogs in me let alone people who continue to follow. So, thank you to all of you who read my blog! I love reading your comments and especially the messages of encouragement.

With that said, I am somewhat of a marketing nerd and want to please the masses so I do look at the analytics/trends of my blog. I’ve found it most interesting that the most read blogs are those having to do with sad topics and online dating (which in itself is sad!). If there is anything you want me to talk about, let me know. I’m fairly open and willing to share my experiences with you!

Here are some stats:

  • Most read blog: “Do I Have the Strength To Go On” with over 200 readers
  • My blog has been viewed 8,000 times since March 2013
  • 88 Subscribers
  • Lbs. lost since March: 25
  • Sizes Down: 2

What I’ve learned in 2013:

  • Focusing on my goals and achieving them quiets the noise of disappointment
  • You can accomplish way more than you think you can
  • Eating healthy doesn’t always taste good but the feeling is worth it
  • Expect to fail because that’s when we learn the most
  • Have fun or it’s not worth it

My goals for 2014:

  • Completing the Bolder Boulder 10K in Boulder, CO
  • Getting back to Sunday meal prep.  For tips, Google it or check out Pinterest!
  • Continue to make my overall health a priority.
  • Remember what I learned in 2013!

I hope you continue this journey with me but most importantly, have fun!

Thankful

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Thank you to who has ever given me a kind word, encouraged me, blessed me, been a part of my life, helped me in any way.  I can never pay you all back.  All I can do is give my thanks and extreme gratitude.

I’m not saying thank you simply because it’s Thanksgiving time but my words are with purpose and meaning and a gift to your graciousness.

Online Dating: Oh Brother!

online dating fail

Back in October I went on a date with this guy I met via Match.com.  He was nice enough to go on a second, third and fourth date but he didn’t thrill me.  To be honest, his personality was kinda blah but I could tell he was a good guy so why not?

A few weeks had gone by and he went quiet.  I didn’t really think anything of it because he was kinda boring and I found myself doing a lot of the talking.  Out of the blue last week he texted me saying he didn’t forget about me but he was going through some things and would like to sit down and talk when he was free.  Ok, no big deal.

This past Sunday we met up and he started to tell me about some personal issues he was having and then said he thinks we want different things.  We never had “the talk” about what we want because we were just DATING but, ok.  Again, no loss for me.

But then he proceeds to tell me he felt I was more like his little sister.  WHAAATTTT!?!?!  Keep in mind we went out like four or five times and we kissed each time.  Really?  Your sister?  You just lost me “bro”.  On top of that he started giving me a pep talk that went something like this: Don’t worry you’ll meet someone when you stop looking.  You’re smart, you’re pretty, you’re easy to talk to…

While I give him a lot of credit for taking the time to meet with me and tell me what’s up (because most guys have just gone cold) sometimes the truth is just weird.  Thanks for letting me down easy but I’m not attached to you or upset in the least.  Sheesh!

You have read my ups and downs of online dating.  I talk to my friends about my experiences and laugh but seriously, online dating sucks.  I email and do the stupid wink and I get nothing in return.  Match.com even has the Stir events for people to meet in person instead of wasting time online.  I love this idea but the closest events are in NYC or Hoboken.  I’d like to meet a handsome fella in my backyard!

With that said, my friend and I have started a new dating venture called The Dating Lounge.  We are putting together events in the Monmouth and Ocean Counties in NJ for singles in their 30s and 40s.  We want a pressure free environment for our singles to have fun, meet great people and hopefully find their match.

For updates you can join the group on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/groups/thedatingloungenj/) and follow us on Twitter @DatingLoungeNJ.

 

 

Getting Naughty

Online dating is such a weird concept.  It’s equivelent to a catalog you can flip through on a Sunday morning without having to get dressed and look your best.  With that said, I often wonder how serious people are.  Are you just window shopping or here to buy?  I am in the buying stage with not much on the rack.

After a few dates of disappointment I take a break and then I take a dip in the pool again.  But alas, I am left scratching my head.  Some guys look like they just got out of jail or they’re super hot and I’m like, “you’re too pretty for me to date”.  Then I come across guys who I am confused about.

For example, this one guy didn’t post his pic because he’s a lawyer and doesn’t want his clients to see him.  Um, if you’re client is on there doesn’t that make them equal to you but ok, fair enough.  So he shared his pic on a dummy email I set up for my own peace of mind.  Next we shared what we were looking for.  I don’t have particulars per say because you could be smart, funny, handsome, over 5’10” and still not be attracted to each other.  I believe chemistry plays a big part.

This morning he told me he’s looking for someone “sweet but also a naughty side when the time is right”.  In the words of the Church Lady, “well isn’t that special”.

church lady

Isn’t dating finding out what people like/dislike?  Way to be too open before I meet you face-to-face because I’m totally thinking you’re into freaky sh*t and this is my warning.

Let’s say the tables were turned and I said that on my profile.  For example, I say I want “a gentleman on the street but a freak in the bed”.  Hmmm, is your first thought, “sounds like a fun one night stand” or “I can’t wait to take this girl to meet my mom”.  Probably the first thought.

I’ve heard of people meeting online but where are all the good ones?  So far no bueno.