Hi. I’m Liz. I’m 34 and have never been in a serious relationship.
Sounds like my introduction to an AA meeting, right? Unfortunately the above statement is true and I call it my own Dating Anonymous.
I have dated a few men but never had the urge to “settle down” and get married until recently because let’s face it, my eggs are near death at this point. Back in July I really started the great search via online dating. I had gone on some dates with the very quiet guy, the shut up you’re saying too much guy, and I thought you were the one but you turned out to be a dud guy.
I honestly have no idea what I’m doing!
Luckily, I came across this article today (http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/jennie-garth-on-dating-after-peter-facinelli-divorce-its-a-weird-type-of-torture-20132110) that reminded me that I’m not the only one who is having a hard time dating. It is definitely a learn as you go type of deal! For example, don’t give out the URL to your blog because then you can’t really say what you want without hurting someone’s feelings, don’t jump to conclusions on a first date thinking you’ll marry this guy and definitely don’t read into everything.
As you’re dating make sure to stop the smell the roses!
Dating can be a real wake up call. You realize things you may not like about yourself and a lot of things you don’t like in others. Be sure to enjoy yourself without wanting to know what’s next like me because I over analyze. These moments are learning experience and you discover what you like and don’t like in a partner. And then one beautiful sunny day Prince Charming will sweep you off your feet and you’ll live happily ever after. Right? Right!?
Some day….but until then, it’s important to continue your own life. Don’t get down on yourself and start eating Ben and Jerry’s (ok, I’m guilty of both). Continue to better yourself so that when Mr. Right comes along you are ready to share all the awesomeness that is YOU!
I feel like a kid learning to swim by taking a chance and giving up when it doesn’t work out. Recently, I took a dip in the dating pool again.
I met this super nice and cute guy via Tinder. Tinder is an app that syncs with your Facebook profile and per recent reports it’s just for hook ups but that’s not what I’m looking for.
At any rate, he was Irish and a chef. Could it get any more perfect for me?!
We spoke for hours on the phone and I felt I may have had a connection. We set a date and admittedly this was the first date I was ever really nervous for. What if there’s no connection after talking? What if I’m not his type or vice versa? So many what if’s entered my mind. Luckily, I felt an instant attraction and the date couldn’t have been any better.
The signs were all there that he was into me as well. As the days went on the communication was less and less. I tried to get him to schedule another date but that fell flat. In the end I wished him well because I assumed we weren’t a match. It was a bummer for me because I thought he was nicer than many guys I’ve dated but maybe him living an hour away was the deal breaker!?
I’ve come to learn that guys tend to lead women on because they aren’t up front on what they want or don’t want. Instead of telling me nice things, just tell me you’re not interested. I’m not a games kinda gal.
Bummed and still single….
Last weekend I had a date that I felt went pretty well. I’m going to leave the details to myself because turns out I’m friends with his brother (HI JOE!!!) but I will say there weren’t fireworks. Then I figured you only get so much out of one date and was open to another.
The next morning he texted me saying he had a good time and then we spoke on Tuesday. I thought the conversation went fine and at the end he asked me to get together again. I said I was available on Thursday and he would be in touch to confirm details. Great! I don’t have to plan anything!
Thursday came and I was in a client meeting all day and didn’t hear anything. Maybe he was waiting until after 5 to follow up! Then it was 5:30 and then 6….
I then made other plans and went out with friends. My friend suggested I text him to see what was up. So I did and just asked if all was ok and if he had a change of heart that it was ok. He responded shortly after saying that he should have cancelled and he didn’t feel that we had a connection but that I was the most normal girl he’d met online. SIGH. On to the next one!
He was very much a gentleman and we had good conversation. While I’m apprehensive to get into a relationship myself (fearing the unknown) I think we should give people another chance.
How do you know if you have a connection or not after one date?
I love when people read my blog and talk about it. Your comments are always welcome and pretty entertaining so keep them coming!
Having said that, I heard from an old friend last night about my “Dating Re-cap” blog. She too is doing the online dating routine but nothing amazing has come out of it except for some interesting stories much like mine. In fact, our stories were so similar we learned we both had a date with BOTCHAGALOOP!
Oh dear baby Jesus can this get any better?!
I did leave a tidbit of information out of my previous blog because it really wasn’t something I wanted to share since my Mom might read my blog. Oh well, here goes. While taking our oh-so-romantic stroll on the beach Botchagaloop asked me if I’ve ever had sex on the beach. It’s safe to say he wasn’t referring to the cocktail.
This guy is a real charmer!
I shared this with my friend and she immediately knew Botchagaloop because she went on a date with him too! He said the same exact thing to her! Get some new material buddy! Is your life that boring that you don’t have things to talk about other than sex on a first date!? Maybe you should go be by yourself (if you know what I mean).
Have you ever been on a date with someone who just doesn’t have anything special to bring to the table?
This past Saturday I had a scheduled date with “Botchagaloop” (names have been changed to protect the innocent Italian dude). He lives up north so I assumed we could meet half way in Long Branch at Avenue or McLoone’s. Unfortunately he suggested Parker House or Squan Tavern. Not ideal but he was going for casual drinks. I agreed to Parker House when an image of screaming children eating pizza at Squan Tavern entered my mind.
I had Botchagaloop meet me on the corner outside of the Parker House because I’m not a fan of walking into a bar alone plus this would give me a chance to speed past in case he didn’t look like his pics. Alas, I was there first and waited for him for a couple minutes.
He wasn’t bad looking at all but he was slightly shorter. Not a deal breaker but I do prefer to feel smaller. The Parker House did turn out to be a bad idea because we were herded like cattle into the roped area of the front bar and the noise level didn’t help either. But we stuck it out while laughing at the older couples trying to get their load on at the bar.
Afterward he suggested a walk on the beach which was great because it was a beautiful night. I found out that he likes the Real Housewives of NJ almost as much as I do and he is Team Jacqueline. Phew…glad we got that out of the way!
Overall the date went smoothly but Botchagaloop did say something that I’m not quite sure how to take. He said, “I bet you get hit on by a lot of black guys.” I said, “why?” He replied, “Because you’re curvy.” Hmmmm. In the moment I laughed it off but afterward I got hit by the “what the f@*& truck.”
I’m still not sure how to take it. Help me out here…
Not only do I have my first 5K since workin’ on my fitness but I also have a date this weekend. What was I thinking?
Oh well. As my friend Hottie says, “balls to the wall.”
Here’s a taste of what’s going on in my head:
- What should I wear? He’s slightly shorter than me and only heals would be appropriate with the dress I have in mind. Will I look like a sasquatch?!
- Where are we going to go? I’m a slight control freak and need to know the plan. What time? What are we doing? How much $$ should I bring if he turns out to be a putz?
- What is my exit strategy if he is a putz? I will probably seek out the nearest emergency exit sign and/or window to jump out of.
Since I am so wordly with online dating (not really) I wanted to give advice on what is a turn-off to men and women on these dreaded sites…
- Don’t post pics of you with other women. Sure, pics of you and your sister are cute but with your arm around someone looking all cozy? Is that a hint of who you want your next girlfriend to look like? I would never contact you because I am not her and will not be her. Call a therapist because I’m pretty sure you’re still stuck on her.
- Don’t post pics of you in groups of other dudes. I have no idea who you are and makes you, or whoever you are, not confident.
- Don’t waste my time. Once a guy is interested (amd I am too!) I like to take it off-line pretty quickly so I can cut to the chase. Either you want to meet or not. Emailing and/or texting for a few days is pointless. I start to question if you’re really single.
- Be honest. This can be hard for men to do (Lord don’t I know it!) but it’s so important. If you have kids, say it. If you hide it, we’ll probably find out!
- Don’t be too desperate. Men like a challenge so don’t be too eager to get back to them or be too available. This sort of contradicts a dating site since you are obviously looking but hopefully you have a life.
- Post up-to-date pics. Maybe you just had a break up, ate too much Ben & Jerry’s and put on some unwanted poundage. Be sure to post flattering and real photos of yourself. Posting photos from 10 years ago isn’t accurate and makes you appear insecure.
- Smile! Guys like to know you’re happy because they don’t want complication in their lives. I’m not perfect, but smiling is contagious!
- Have your guard up. If there is something shady, trust your gut. One thing I’ve learned is that when someone shows you who they are, trust them! Same advice goes to men.
There you have it. My unofficial online dating advice. What is your advice to those searching for love via 4G?